I was out with a good friend of mine the other day, and inevitably the topic of dating came up. Both of us could be called "serial daters" and both of us have spent considerable time and effort developing dating techniques that would maximize our chances with women. One technique my friend brought to my attention that I have been doing for years without even realizing it is "Varying the pace".
What does varying the pace mean?
Ever been on a monotonous date where every minute seems just like the next? There is no awkward silence, and the conversation isn't necessarily boring, but the pace of the conversation doesn't change. You talk about the same topics you talked about on your last six dates and your (and her) volume, body language, and level of enthusiasm doesn't change throughout. You stay put in the same seats at the bar, drinking the same drinks, basically, just going through the motions.
Varying the pace means doing the opposite of that! Varying the pace doesn't just mean literally changing the pace of the conversation, but also changing the topics, varying your drinks, varying your body positioning, varying your body language, and varying your level of enthusiasm. This variation need not always be faster and more intense (a la escalation). For example, sometimes it makes sense to slow an intense conversation down, speaking less words per minute, and simply look into each others eyes for longer. When varying the pace, the key is variation, not escalation.
The importance of varying the pace
Varying the pace is crucial if you want to be successful on a date. Whether your variation is simply more and more intensity (i.e. escalation) or a "push-pull" dynamic where you are constantly keeping her guessing, change is good, change is different, and change is fun.
High value women have many men to choose from, many of which have similar "check the box" traits like good looks, fashion sense, good career and intelligence. In order to differentiate between high value men, women will look for how much you interest them. And change is interesting.
For instance, an extremely successful and good looking guy may capture a woman's interest early on in a date but if he never varies the pace of the date; if he never varies the pace with which he speaks, the level of eye contact he gives, and the level of [glossary]kino[/glossary] he delivers, there's a good chance she will lose interest.
On the other hand, a guy who can talk about man things, express himself in different ways, be serious but also funny, and keep a woman guessing can easily captivate women's hearts without needing to be tremendously good looking or extremely successful at life. So, next time you are on a date, don't sing the same old tired tune and start mixing things up!