May 11, 2014 / What a "Neg" Really Is
The goal is to challenge, not insult.
“Negging” is often portrayed as insulting a woman in order to lower her self-esteem, but this is wildly incorrect. Why would insults ever be a good strategy for building attraction? And at least on JoshSway.com, we promote increasing your own value to attract a woman, not lowering her value.
So what is the appropriate usage of a “neg”? Essentially, it’s a statement where you “disqualify” the woman as someone you would be attracted to.
Good neg: “How could live in Chicago and not go to a baseball game at Wrigley Field? That’s it; you’re fired.”
Bag neg: “The only girls that don’t like baseball are idiots.”
In other words, a good neg is a challenge, not an insult. You’re communicating to the woman, “You aren’t the type of girl I’m interested in. If you think otherwise, then prove me wrong.” If your neg is just a direct insult, then no woman will respond positively. They’ll just think you’re arrogant, condescending, or just plain wrong.
So when used appropriately, negging is a gambit that will encourage the woman to convey interest first. This should make her IOIs easier to read, and give you more confidence to escalate. It has nothing to do with lowering her self-esteem, or playing “hard to get,” or whatever misguided definitions you may have heard.