December 12, 2013 / What If She Isn’t Hot Enough?
You really like her, but she isn't hot enough for you? Read on.
Men (and also women) are often faced with this very common relationship dilemma: you are really attracted to her personality and everything about her except for her physical appearance. How should you handle this situation? Josh Sway has some answers.
1. Are her appearance flaws "fixable"?
What is the reason you are not physically attracted to her? Is her face not appealing to look at? Is she overweight? Does she have one disturbing feature such as a large crooked nose or big ears that stick out? Does she dress terribly? Not shave her legs? It is very important to think why you do not find her attractive as many appearance related issues are quite fixable.
For instance, certain physical traits such as weight can fluctuate dramatically. This means there is a good chance someone who you are not attracted to simply because of her weight can easily become attractive to you. The reverse can also happen: an attractive and fit women can gain a large amount of weight and suddenly become unattractive. There are also appearance issues such as fashion sense and grooming behaviors that are very easily fixable. On the flip side, there are physical features such as her overall facial structure, eyes, etc. that are not easily fixable.
2. Is she unattractive to you, or to others?
Be honest, are you not attracted to her or are you attracted to her but concerned about what other men and or women will think of her? If you are in the situation where you are attracted to her but you are concerned she isn’t "hot enough for you to be seen with her" then you are in luck because the solution to that problem is easy: who cares what others think! If you like her, and you find her attractive you’ve hit the jackpot! Stop worrying about what others think about how your significant other looks; worry about what you think.
3. Are you sexually attracted to her but not otherwise?
You probably know this feeling: you really enjoy sex with a person but after you’re done you try your best to avoid looking at what you just did! There are two conflicting points you should consider here. (a) most of your life together with someone is not spent having sex, so while sex is important, it is not all that matters in a relationship. (b) On the other hand, sexual chemistry is important: bad sex can lead to the end of a relationship despite sex being on a small part of the time you spend together. How you decide to balance things depends on you. Most likely; however, you can probably find a woman you find attractive and have good sexual chemistry with. Can you find a woman that you really like and have good sexual chemistry with though? It isn’t always so easy to do.
4. Is she too unattractive for you to want to be physically intimate with her at all?
In this situation, you pretty much have to end any hope of a romantic relationship. Unlike point 3 where you are sexually attracted to her, you don’t even have that going for you here. This basically means your "relationship" is no different than a friendship and should probably become a friendship. Unless you think Point 1 applies to you (her physical flaws are fixable), I would advise moving on.
5. Can she grow on me?
It would be nice if the great woman you met that you are not attracted to could "grow on you". Perhaps, over time, you will find her attractive and all the time invested will have been worth it. In general, I have found men grow on women much more than women grow on men. Men are much more physically driven than women and when you factor in the natural pace with which sexual attraction and excitement dies down over time with the same partner, it is unlikely that your partner will "grow on you".
In the end, it’s your decision
While I make recommendations in here, at the end of the day it’s your relationship and hence your decision. Don’t let outside sources influence you too much when it comes to relationship decision making, especially when it comes to superficial qualities like appearance. Consider the 5 points I raise here when making your decision, but make the decision that you want to make.