January 08, 2014 / When Online Dating, Avoid IM’ing
IM'ing is a high risk, low reward technique.
Most online dating websites offer several modes of contact. You can e-mail through the site, participate in some sort of texting or phone call through a phone number generated by the dating site, use a passive form of contact such as a "wink" or rating someone highly, or you can also IM (instant message) chat someone.
Any mode of contact is better than none, but my general advice, and the advice you will find in Sway Seduction: Master Online Dating, is to stick to e-mail like features and avoid IM’ing "at all costs". Granted, some dating sites leave you no choice but to IM or have a somewhat real time conversation, but if you can avoid it, avoid it.
5 Reasons to avoid live chat/IM
If you have considerable "chatting" skills, you can benefit from online chat. However, it is generally something I only recommend to those who are "advanced" at online dating as the benefits are far outweighed by the risks. Here are 5 reasons why.
1. It’s easy to get distracted
When you chat with a woman online you have all the distractions of your home, your computer, other members on the dating sites, friends chatting you on gchat, whatever website you were browsing while cruising the dating site, and so forth. It is much easier to stay focused while writing a short one or two line e-mail that gets to the point of what you are trying to accomplish (get her out in real life) than to keep focused while having a random conversation with a stranger online.
2. She can be distracted
Women get bombarded with attention online which will make it easy for her to be distracted even if you are not. This will make it harder for her to appreciate your witty jokes and easier for her to dismiss your conversation as boring and unmemorable through no fault of your own. It’s hard enough to have a conversation with someone online; it’s even harder if they are distracted.
3. Physical communication is missing
The main reason I recommend live chat to only the most advanced online "pick up artists" is because conversation is incredibly difficult to have without the ability to communicate physically. Sarcasm and humor is often missed, statements can easily be misunderstood, and accentuation, excitement and a host of other emotional states are extremely difficult to express in an impactful way.
4. There’s no time to think
What is easier, to write one or two lines with potentially hours to think about them (not that you should be spending hours thinking about an e-mail to write) or to have to come up with good material more or less on the spot through chat; good enough material to keep her from being distracted by the other guys IM’ing her and whatever else is going on on her computer or phone at the time? There’s no reason to take the unnecessary risk of coming off like a dud in conversation and/or forgetting your main purpose: to get her out on a date in real life.
5. It leaves less for the date
Knowing more about your potential date has its benefits but they are not large. While you can learn a great deal from someone through multiple online chats, there is a far greater likelihood that if you do not arrange a date early your target woman will lose interest in meeting you all together. Even if you do get a date, you will have made your task more difficult on the first date because you will have less to talk about should conversation run dry. Basic questions such as ones about family and work are nice to have in your back pocket should there be a lull in the conversation.
What’s the bottom line? The bottom line is that the most effective use of online communication is to arrange dates. The logistics. (For example, in Sway Seduction I show a technique to get numbers (to arrange dates) in as little as two messages.) Stick to logistics with online communication;. attract her in person, not through IM chats.