January 22, 2014 / When Should You Cut Her Loose?
Even if you like a woman, sometimes the right decision is still to cut her loose.
You’ve been out once, twice, three, four times but still you feel as though you aren’t making a break through. You have spent money and emotional capital, and while you may have fooled around a bit , there hasn’t been any sex, and you still don’t know where you stand. Should you cut her loose? Ask yourself these 4 questions to find out!
1. Is she interfering with your ability to meet other women?
If you really like this girl who seems to be stringing you along, it may make sense to keep at it, provided there is some tangible progress and not a bunch of purely platonic meetings. With that said, is she interfering with your ability to meet other women you may like who may respond more favorably to your advances? Are you canceling dates with other potential women because "tonight might be the night!" with her? If she is locking you down without reciprocation from her, it could be time to move on.
2. Intimacy progress as stalled out
So you made out on a first date; great! Are you guys still just kissing on the fourth? If the physical intimacy has stalled out (especially at something like making out, or worse, NO physical intimacy), you need to issue an ultimatum. Now I don’t mean verbally. What I mean is invite her over to your place for a date and do not accept any alternative plan. If she proposes something else, simply say you aren’t in the mood for that or "sounds good but maybe some other time".
A stalling out of physical intimacy is a one way ticket to the friendzone which you most certainly want to avoid. Furthermore, it’s not clear she will be the right woman for you if getting any takes begging and pulling teeth. What will that say about the future of the relationship in other areas? You need to escalate your way out of these situations, and making sure the next date is one where more intimacy is likely to occur is a good first step. Note that there is no guarantee you are going to go further than before just because she is at your place; whatever you do DO NOT DO ANYTHING RETARDED (AND ILLEGAL) LIKE FORCE YOURSELF ON HER.
3. Intimacy has regressed
Did you go pretty far the last time you hung out but now she seems cold? In this situation, I generally just cut them loose. For some reason, it appears she lost interest and it will be quite difficult to win it back. Maybe give it one more shot, but less intimacy than past dates, if there are no logistical barriers (or worse, if she denies your advances that she did not deny before) is a bad sign.
4. You feel like she is using you
Going on weekend trips and not getting laid? Taking her to fancy dinners but she never wants to come over afterwards? You could be getting used here. There are two options in this situation. One is to cut her loose, while the other is to issue the same ultimatum I suggested in scenario #2: make the only way she can see you again be at your place for "a movie and a glass of wine" or whatever. No fancy dinner, no exciting trip, just you, the tv, and maybe some alcohol. You’ll have your answer pretty quickly one way or the other.
Cutting a girl you are into loose is a tough decision, but often times, it is the right one. In general, I recommend giving her one more chance to show you she is really into you, but if that fails, you have got to accept that the investment has gone to zero and go out there to find someone who will reciprocate your interest.