March 25, 2014 / When To Show You Are Interested
You know not to do it too soon. But when?
If you are not experienced with women, you will probably find that a lot of dating advice makes absolutely no sense. Most commonly, men cannot seem to understand why they should not show women they are interested. Not only do bad Hollywood films suggest showing interest is the way to go, women constantly talk about how they want a "nice guy" to make elaborate displays of affection towards them, and then proceed to date everyone else but those guys.
That’s because in real life, showing too much interest too soon is a great way to never get a girl. Hollywood and women are simply wrong. It’s a bad idea to show interest too soon: it makes you look needy, it doesn’t require her to invest, and other reasons I haven’t even written about yet. The essence is that showing interest too soon shows neediness, and being needy means lack of options, and lack of options means lack of value, and lack of value means, well, that you aren’t worth dating.
But even if you understand why it’s a bad idea to show interest too soon, at some point you have to do it, and this is what this article addresses. Let’s be real here; no one is going to want to be around you, date you, sleep with you, or become your girlfriend if you don’t ever show any interest! So, when is it okay to show interest in a woman? Here are the basic principles.
1. When you’ve demonstrated appropriate high value have value overloaded / are of very high value relative to her
I wrote about value overloading here. Value overloading is a powerful technique to get a girl quickly. It only works; however, if you can demonstrate that you are "out of her league". If you manage to demonstrate that you are out of her league, feel free to show interest. She already views you as such high value that you may even need to boost her value a bit by showing you are interested in her.
2. When you are dating
Guys, dating and courtship are two different things. You should definitely keep things interesting and exciting while you are dating, but "playing hard to get" is mostly reserved for courtship, the process of getting the girl, not keeping her. If you want to keep her, you have to show her that you like her, otherwise, she’ll eventually move on.
3. When you are trying to win an ex you dumped back
Winning an ex back isn’t as simple as showing some interest; however, if you dumped her, then to win her back, showing some level of interest will be necessary. You don’t want to start professing your love and the mistake you make, but you do want to demonstrate some interest in dating her again. Playing hard to get to win someone you ended the relationship with back is silly. Show some interest in this situation.
4. During physical intimacy when it’s possible to escalate to sex
While it is often okay to show some interest during or after physical intimacy, I much prefer to only show interest if there is the potential you can escalate to having sex. The reason for this is two-fold. Firstly, during a hot and heavy moment, showing interest is a major turn on which will likely help not only get you laid, but make her feel better and enjoy herself more. Don’t start telling her you love her, but compliment her body, how good she makes you feel, and describe what you want to do to her. Secondly, women do want a guy to show he is into them, but only once they already determined they like him. If you are being intimate and heading towards sex, she probably likes you enough that you won’t scare her off by showing your interest in her.
The key: Get her interest first
The scenarios I described above can generally be boiled down to the following overarching point regarding showing interest: get her to show her interest in your first.
If there is one thing you should take away from this article, it is this critical point. Get her interested in you before showing your interest in her.