September 13, 2013 / When You Have an Opening, Take it
Don't save things for later with women.
Have you ever seen a soccer player get the ball in front of a wide open net, five yards away, with the goalie ten yards away having completely misread the play, just standing there thinking to himself "I don’t need to score now, my team has this in the bag, I’ll have another opportunity to score later"? Have you ever seen an NFL player catch a 50 yard Hail Mary pass on the 5 yard line, 10 yards away from the nearest defender and simply stand there because "he’ll probably get another chance to score a touchdown at some point"? I’m pretty sure you haven’t, and I sure as hell haven’t.
However, what I do see all too often is men kicking the ball out of bounds in front of a wide open net and men waiting to get tackled on the 5 yard line with no defenders in sight when it comes to dating. And the worst part is they don’t even realize they are doing it!
Here’s what I’m talking about: You go out with a great girl on a great date. You are attracted to each other, making eye contact, playfully touching each other, sharing a drink and having great conversation. You maybe even kiss. A few hours after meeting, the night is wrapping up, and you two hug, perhaps kiss, and part on separate ways. You would love to invite her over for who knows what, but you figure: "It’s no rush, we had a good time, she liked me; I’ll get another opportunity."
I have news for you: this is no different than deliberately kicking the ball out of bounds in front of an empty net; no different than passing up a wide open lay-up to pass the ball to the other team; yet the analogy is completely lost on so many men which perpetuates the insanity of waiting to score instead of going for the open shot when it is available! Dating isn’t a video game where you can just hit the pause or save button and start right up again where you left off. Things can change very quickly in the dating world: women can go from hot to cold in a matter of HOURS, let alone during the time between dates! So when she’s hot; when the net is wide open, you have got to take the shot!
By the way, failing to capitalize on opportunities doesn’t just extend to the end of a date, it holds throughout the entire courtship process. You should always be escalating towards your ultimate goal, whether it is sex, a relationship, or even marriage. You need to take advantage when opportunities present themselves and never assume that another opportunity will be there, because dating is fickle, and you may think you can be patient, but many times patience will cost you! And this situation is much worse than just being patient. Just like a player who passed up a wide open net will look like a fool to his fans and teammates, if you pass up an opportunity to score you risk looking weak and insecure to the very woman you are trying to impress!
You may be thinking that you have a good reason not to escalate further; that you have a good reason to settle for a kiss instead of a lay, and so forth. “You actually like this girl.” Perhaps you think “she isn’t that kind of girl who will respond well” etc. etc. However, most likely, to be blunt, and I say this because I care, the reasons are excuses to justify behavior done for “bad” reasons. Here are the two “real” reasons you aren’t taking the shot:
(1) Fear of rejection – perhaps the root of all evil when it comes do dating; fear of rejection is a major reason you will settle for a nice catch instead of running it in the extra 5 yards for the touchdown. Don’t worry about the potential isolated rejection, worry about whether or not going for it will hurt your future prospects, which it won’t.
(2) Fear of the awkward moment – I concede that an awkward moment can happen if you go for a kiss and get turned down; or you ask a girl to your place and she rejects you. However, almost NO woman will change her opinion about you if any of the above happened. If she likes you, she’ll still want to see you again whether or not she was ready to kiss you or go up to your place at the time.
Bottom line, when an opportunity presents itself; take it. Don’t wait. Don’t settle. Don’t fear failure, and don’t fear the awkward moment. Your success with women will increase tremendously if you seize every opportunity you are presented to the fullest, and that means taking the shot when the net is wide open.