December 10, 2013 / Why Your Oneitis Is Not Special
Everyone thinks their "oneitis" is special. She isn't. Here is why you think she is.
One of the biggest issues men have with "oneitis" is that they genuinely believe that the girl they are obsessed with is their "soulmate" or somehow "different" from any other girl they could possibly get. This is, of course, nonsense given the number of potential women out there in the world. [Note, to help overcome oneitis, check out these two articles here, and here.]
So, what is actually going on here that causes every guy with oneitis issues to believe that all the experts telling them to move on are "wrong" and that they "just don’t understand..this girl is different"? As you probably know but still cannot understand, the experts are not wrong, you are. But why? It took me a while to figure it out, but eventually I figured out that there are two main reasons guys get so hung up over that "one girl" apart from the obvious reason of not having much success with women in general. Neither of them are rational.
Reason #1: She is the hottest girl who gave you the light of day
The reason the vast majority of men get hung up on a girl (the so dreaded oneitis) is simply due to her appearance. You have probably fallen into this trap before: pretending you like everything about her when really the only reason you are so into her is because she is the hottest woman who actually talks to you. You write off her valley girl behavior as "a quirk that you like", you try to tell yourself she is "street smart" and "smarter than she seems when you really talk to her" despite knowing full well she’s an idiot. The list goes on and on.
When you start getting the oneitis feelings over someone, ask yourself honestly if there is anything really special about her other than she is the hottest girl you have talked to lately. Most likely, the answer will be no. The best bet if you get caught in this situation is to improve your skills with women so that hot women will become the norm, and not a one way ticket to the oneitis death trap.
Reason #2: You two share an interest or appreciation for something, especially if that something is "geeky".
The second really common reason oneitis develops an overemphasis on a shared interest. Usually, this is in conjunction with Reason #1, but for some men, particularly those who do not have much success with women in general, a shared interest alone is enough to start an unhealthy obsession. Look, a shared interest is nice, but there are so many interests and so many people out there that there are tons of other women who will share an interest with you. Yep, even if it’s something like Comic Books, Dungeons & Dragons, or stamp collecting.
Bottom line, your oneitis is not special. She is not unique. Most likely, the reasons you are obsessed with her are purely her appearance, the fact she gives you the time of day, and that she may share a common interest with you. So next time, before you get hung up on a particular girl, know that she is completely replaceable. Instead of obsessing, focus on improving your overall skills with women so that you can find someone else just as good if not better. She exists. That is a guarantee.